LAZY TOWN: What Lies Beneath

“Go! Go! Go! Get up Lazy Town!,” the song’s lyrics enthusiastically invites us, and then prevent us: “Things are upside down here in Lazy Town,” which is a statement we’re determined to follow and analyze for we think that line keeps a vast truth underneath.

The colorful frenzied show teaches kids how to consume their energies by jumping, running, doing sports instead of staying at home on the computer. But you don’t have to sweat a lot to realize Lazy Town and Pedo Town could be one and only one place. It’s just a matter of reading between the lines. Or jumping between the cathodic lines of your TV screen.

Let’s say it at once, Lazy Town is the dream town for pederasts: There are no parents or adult guards to be seen – other than a cretin major and an old woman, both literally and metaphorically, puppets – but plenty of playful kids in colorful flashy clothes all around. Stephanie, the only ‘human’ little girl is also designed to be a pervs dream: 13 , pink-dressed, whimsy hot pink wig and quite an elastic and enthusiastic dancer.

And the main adult roles – the hero and the villain – end up being opposite sides of the same coin. They both share the interest of being involved and surrounded by kids.

Robbie Rotten – the villain – is the ‘mean pederast’. He apparently hates children, but that’s merely a manifestation of jealousy to his fellow men. Rotten is a grown up child himself. Angry, jealous, spoiled, candy-lover, lazy, but in the end, a child in the body of an adult. He has the habit of voyeurism and after practicing it a bit, he always turns to his collection of attractive fancy costumes in order to penetrate (no pun intended) into the group of children going unnoticed. And of course, children in Lazy Town are written to fall into Robbie’s deceits with extreme easiness once and again. Rotten is the classic pervert that attracts children by pretending to be a funny attractive playful figure that brings desirable toys to them.

On the opposite extreme we have Sportacus. As Robbie Rotten, Sportacus is also a grown up kid. He talks to them as if he were their best friend and is always very careful to show not even a gram of anger towards them, avoiding this way to be seen as an adult authority in spite of his teacher status. He lives in an ultra-aseptic floating house filled with toy-shaped devices and all kind of sport articles. He’s the nice kid: eats only vegetables and goes to bed at 8 pm. His goal - as Robbie Rotten’s - is to be surrounded by kids. But his approach - opposite to Robbie’s - is to be open, “honest” and friendly. He uses his acrobatics to be the center of attention. This way he makes his muscular body both an object of “eye-sports-candy” admiration and an aspirational goal for children. Sportacus is meant to be the kind of pederast that lives so immerse in his own child-fantasy he doesn’t even assume his condition. Most of time he gets dragged inside his own fantasy and ends up really thinking he IS this kind-hearted ultra-naive impressive children’s superhero.

At then end of every episode, Stephanie in her innocent-pink dress and Sportacus end up dancing together a silly happy song meant to make us enjoy what we are seeing and forgetting the dark implications hidden all over this fantasy town. In their dance there’s always body-to-body steps and leg-spreading movements. And the song - amusingly called “Bing BANG” whose lyrics once again remind us subliminally the message: “Bing Bang Dig-a-rig-a-dong” are described to us as “Silly words that can mean anything”. While dancing with Sportacus, Stephanie invites kids to “go up up, do the jump”. Concluding that “having fun is what it's all about”.

Sports candy sounds like a sweet thing, don’t you think?

EMO

Black clothes, pale skin, trademark hair, razor cuts on the skin and a sad expression on the face.

We’re describing the typical emo. Not. We are talking about Edward Scissorhands. Got ya.

So, why do most Burtonites hate emos? Ed could be described as an emo himself. He has all the same characteristics as one. Or even Edward Scissorhands' imperfect alter ego: Mr. Tim Burton. And the same could be said about Burtonites themselves. There’s one reason we’re all here. Its because in the outside world we feel alone.

We had to escape our own realities and find comfort in a place where we knew we would fit in - The Tim Burton Collective.

And yes, its full of emos. Like it or not, you are one. Maybe not in appearance, but emotionally you are. WE are.

Don’t start complaining and saying that you aren’t. You are. Deal with it. How many times have you cried at Edward Scissorhands because you feel identified? How many times have you posted how bad, how alone, how much of an outsider you feel you are? One, two…ten... thousand times?We want to feel loved, so we post about it and hope for a response of that cold outside world they've told us there is beyond out computer screen. That’s what an emo is.

They want to grab attention using that representative image of theirs. Of course, they wear it on the outside for the world to see. On the collective, we can't be seen… but our posts can.

This is not a bad thing. Its just the truth. So the next time you think about calling an emo ‘stupid‘, that’s what you’re calling yourself. And me.

Emoing up the Burtonite way of life,

Don’t & Know
The Timely Procrastinator Team

Timely Procrastinator Intro

Here in The Timely Procrastinator we will discuss life as what it really is; an absolute meaningless spacious void. Which means you’ll find anything and everything - or nothing, depending on the perspective - in this area. But don’t you scratch your head and think about it. It will occur when you least expect it.

Once every time we think of something great this extensive Collective Universe might need to know, we will say it. We will not keep our thoughts to ourselves. We want you all to experience this fantastical world of uniqueness we own. You deserve it.

From now and on to forever,

Don’t & Know
The Timely Procrastinator Team